Movie Theater Etiquette

Justin on Mic

Justin

I want to talk about movie theater etiquette. Let’s face it, the summer movie season is about to ramp up and that means we all will spend more time in the theater. So here are a few guidelines to follow to make the movie going experience pleasant for you and those around you.

  • Talking during the movie. How many times does it need to be said? I feel like since I was in 3rd grade and the teacher would show a film strip (Some of you may not be old enough to know what this is) the rule was shut the fuck up while the lights are off so we can all hear about the exciting adventures of a tree as it is turned into lumber.
  • Texting or talking on the phone. I get it, you cannot wait to hear about how your BFF Jill just found out that Jake is totally cheating on her with that cunt, Jenny. And texting is silent so what’s the big thing?! A fucking distracting light that everyone to the sides and behind you can see! And talking on the phone?! See the rule above.
  • Showing up one minute before the movie starts and wanting people to move. This might be controversial, but hear me out. I get to the movies early to line up and get a seat I want (just ask my friends who show up one minute before the movie starts whom I was asked to save a seat for). But that seat is the one I wanted and I don’t care how people sit around me and in what configuration. But if you have one empty seat to one side and another empty on the other people come in and ask if you can scoot over to accommodate their lazy asses. I know, people just want to sit together. I get it. But if you want to make sure you sit together then I would plan ahead and make sure you get there in time to get the seating arrangement you want. I paid my dues and waited in line so I could sit where I wanted, so asking me to move is kind of a dick thing to do.
  • Talking about the story in line for the movie. I talked about this on WombatCast when I went to go see the last Harry Potter movie. If you read the books, or have seen the movie before, please do not talk about the plot or ending in line for the movie. Maybe some of us aren’t that well read.
  • For fucks sake, shower before you go out! Going anywhere in public? Lot’s of other people are going to be around? Take a shower you Pigpen wannabe!
  • Do not explain the plot or joke in a movie to show that you got it to those around you. If you don’t get this, just say it out loud. And again, the pretty pictures are moving on the screen…Lips closed.
  • Bringing children to a movie. This is a variable rule depending on the situation. I do not have kids, so I can only imagine how difficult it is to go out and do adult stuff. There are times this rule does not apply, such as kids movies or certain times of the day. But for the love of Thor, do not bring your small children to violent movies or movies that are more adult themed where a crying child (who is crying out of boredom I am sure) will disrupt the movie for everyone else. The counter to this rule is we with no children cannot complain when we go see a Pixar film and the theater is packed with kids. To my friends with kids, I will offer my babysitting services so you can go see a movie. =)

Am I being bitchy? Yes I am. But if you think any of the rules I have put out there aren’t fair or spoil the enjoyment of the movie going experience, then post a comment below or in our forums. I would love to have the discussion. Also, am I missing any rules?

8 thoughts on “Movie Theater Etiquette

  1. I totally agree!!!! I try to do that to, get there early to get a good seat, and HATE when people want me to move, and then the ones who stand on the side after the thing has started whispering to each other trying to find seats…GRRR!!!! And I agree on the FB post about kicking chairs….OMG! We were watching Avatar at the IMAX off Colorado and someone kept kicking my friends chair….she asked the kid several times to stop, and when he did it more, I got pissed and bitched at him too…he finally stopped…(This was after the guy behind me dropped his walker on my head…fucking hurt).

  2. I agree with all that was said here. I only wish that meant that others would comply. Unfortunately, barring an armed guard and summary executions for violation, or a citywide mass revelation for all those who are apparently unaware that they are part of the problem, I will still have to endure the idiocy of others at the theater. That said, I would advise bringing a squirt bottle and shooting violators. It works on cats and won’t get you arrested, so why not? If you don’t mind an arrest and charges for aggravated assault, use a paintball gun. Haha! Take that, punks!

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